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103.DHRITARASHTRA
FIFTEEN years passed under king
Yudhishthira's reign, when old
Dhritarashtra found himself utterly unable
any longer to bear the burden of grief.
Hurt by Bhima's occasional reproaches, he
found no heart to accept the courtesies and
comforts provided under king
Yudhishthira's orders. Unknown to the
Pandavas, he secretly fasted and
underwent hard penances.
Gandhari too observed manifests and
inflicted privation on her. And one day
Dhritarashtra sent for Dharmaputra and
spoke to him thus:
"Son, blessings on you. I have spent
fifteen happy years under your roof. You
have tended me most lovingly. I have
made gifts and offerings to ancestors and
fulfilled all my desires in that respect.
Bereaved Gandhari, laying aside her own
grief, has ministered to my physical wants
all these years. My cruel sons, who
committed unforgivable wrong to
Draupadi and deprived you of your lawful
inheritance, perished on account of their
sins. But they fought like brave soldiers
and died in the battlefield and have gone
to the happy regions reserved for the
brave. The time has come when with
Gandhari I must do what has to be done
for our next state. You know what the
sastras have lain down. I must now go to
the forest. These robes must be replaced
by bark and tattered old clothes, suitable
for the life of Vanaprastha. I desire to go
and live in the forest, praying for your
good. I want your permission for this. Let
me follow the practice of our fathers. As
king, you will share in the fruits of my
penance."
Yudhishthira received a shock when he
saw Dhritarashtra and heard him say this.
"I did not know," he said, "that you had
been fasting and sleeping on the bare
ground and mortifying your flesh in this
manner. My brothers too were unaware of
this. I was misled into believing you were
well looked after and happy. Father, you
have suffered grief, for which there can be
no solace. I see no good in kingdom or
pleasures. I am a sinner. Desire and
ambition deceived me into this. Let your
son Yuyutsu be king, or anyone else you
choose. Or if you will do so, you yourself
may take up the duties of king and look
after the people. I shall go to the forest.
Let me terminate this chapter of error. I
implore you to save me from further
obloquy and burning shame. I am not the
king. You are the king. You ask me for
permission to go. How then can I give or
refuse permission to you? Let me assure
you that my anger against Duryodhana is
a thing of the past, gone without a trace.
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